Times Of Doubt In Fellowship

There are times when I have doubt in my own choices. The choices I make regarding my faith in God of Israel are serious moments in my life.

In those times, I would wish God spoke clear words into my ears like a bird would sweetly sing from the wind. None from the mouths of the people around me because they could twist the words from their secret desires. I'd want to hear, "You're making the right choice here at this moment and at this place." That clear voice of the guide would put me at ease.

Also, I'd want the same clear voice would boom like a thunder and say, "You're making the wrong choice here. Go that way instead."

Sometimes, I can't trust my instincts or my heart to consider if I'm making the right choice here. I have secret desires sprouting like a boiling water while the God burns away to make room for pure love in my heart. Every choice I make from my wavering heart, ambiguous instinct or logical mind, am I believing that this is part of God's grand plan? School, jobs, friends, location, materials, church, etc.

Over the past summer and just like the summer before that, it was hard. It made me doubt if I made the right choice about the fellowship. The summer before, some people told me that I made the wrong choice. Over the past summer, different people told me things that made me questioned my choice. Am I making the right choice here?

It was difficult to trust their words because their concerns for me had nothing to do with my faith. They never once asked me how my faith was. After I made the choice, they never bothered to check with me when they spend time with me. Should this be the influence in my confidence in making that kind of choice?

My roommate advised me, "Look at your life, Annie. Look where God has led you."

Before two summers ago, I never had a fellowship as deep as my desire for the Scriptures to be true. Maybe I made the right choice. Maybe God spoke clearly to me through my roommate. I trust her because she showed concerns for me and my faith many times.

In times of doubting, I must hold fast like an anchor in the storm and believe that God is leading me where I am supposed to be.

Remembering The Nine Eleven

I remember the tragedy that struck the U.S.A. 11 years ago on this day. I was a freshman in high school. I was in Global Perspective class and the teacher turned on the TV around 9:30am. The news was showing live of the Two Towers and showing the recorded footage of a plane hitting it repeatedly in between.  All of us were shocked. But we weren't quiet. Most of us talked during the news. I silently watched because I had no friends to talk with. We watched for an hour and then we saw one of the two towers collapsed to the ground. The bell rang and we went on like it was a normal day at school.

When I got home after school, I turned on the TV and I was engrossed. It was everywhere on the news. Until I went to sleep, that was the only thing I watched that night.

A short time has passed, a dramatized documentary about the September 11 attack has made. It had showed every minute of what happened from terrorists in the airport to the aftermath.

About 3000 people died that day. Senselessly.

It is now 11 years later.  It actually happened. It was real. I was alive when a national tragedy came out of nowhere. But it feels surreal like I remember a dream so faintly. Because everyone of us quickly moved on and the war we're at seems to have lost its purpose. Our economy has gotten worse.

Since Bush declared "War on Terror", 6000 more people died. Senselessly.

Osama Bin Laden, whom the Intelligence deemed as the perpetrator, was killed last year. Why are our soldiers still fighting in the Middle East?

It is as though we are forgetting every year about September 11 attacks. Not even one out of hundred people at my work has mentioned it. I only saw one status on Facebook today honoring the dead. I don't know which is more tragic.