I had dinner twice with my friends from my old church this week. While our mutual friend was having a baby on Christmas, we had a back up plan that we would dinner ourselves while wishing her a safe birth. It was great. The conversation that we had was organic. We hardly knew each other at the time. But we were getting to know each other better and I felt like we were comfortable with each other to talk about faith deeply.
Then on the second dinner, I brought my roommate to meet with them. At a good start, we all felt like ourselves and had a good conversation. It was awesome to hear them speak at the heart level and were not shy to answer honestly. They were strangers and now they're friends.
I'm grateful that God has brought us to be who we are in Christ and be comfortable with each other even though we were strangers to each other. Being honest and being ourselves even if a baby was there getting all the attention, the Christ's love between us was evident. I love it. I'm looking forward to seeing them again.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Gratitude Of The Week: Listening To Hearts And Minds
Tonight, I went to the Spot Coffee, a local coffee shop in downtown Rochester, to support my friends on Open Mic Night. They're hams. They love performing their artwork and their passion behind the mic and in front of the people. This week, we dressed up in classy outfits and two people won the contest. One male and one female; they won a free drink at the shop.
For two hours, I listened to many different young people go up and speak their pieces: poetry, songs, essays, and readings. It was a good cultural experience in the local area where people would share a piece of their hearts and minds in their artistic ways.
After the show, I got to meet new people and listen to their experiences. It was a good night to support my friends and attend with one. It was fun to dress up, too. I would like to go more in the future. I think it's a time of luxury for me.
I love spending time with my friend, Deb. I love listening to her. Any chance I'd get to hear her in person is like a birthday gift to me. Not that it is rare to meet with her, I just love her so much.
For two hours, I listened to many different young people go up and speak their pieces: poetry, songs, essays, and readings. It was a good cultural experience in the local area where people would share a piece of their hearts and minds in their artistic ways.
After the show, I got to meet new people and listen to their experiences. It was a good night to support my friends and attend with one. It was fun to dress up, too. I would like to go more in the future. I think it's a time of luxury for me.
I love spending time with my friend, Deb. I love listening to her. Any chance I'd get to hear her in person is like a birthday gift to me. Not that it is rare to meet with her, I just love her so much.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Prelude To Gratitude Of The Week
After speaking with some sisters as I was wrestling with what some brothers taught, I thought I would give in and apply this one to my life. "Write three gratitudes or positive experiences a day." As much as I would shudder at the thought of life applications of the Bible, I think writing down gratitude would be helpful. After all, as Christians, we need to do this for the sake of glorifying God who is the ultimate giver.
I hate comparison. I was hurt a lot by comparison. My mother would compare me to the children of her co-workers. She would tell me what they did and what I lacked or what I should do in the future. It was like I was not good enough for her. It was a part of putting me on a pedestal which put me under a huge pressure of her expectations. Not only her expectations but my entire family's as well. I was their hope to bring them out of financial burdens because my future looked promising when I got accepted into one of the top universities and my field of study was considered to be designed for brilliant minds. In fact, I was promising to them as I was growing up when I started showing my talent of a great academic mind which could lead to fulfillment of the American Dream. But I had to be better than everyone else. I did not speculate this. They told me. Directly. Many times.
In the church,, the life applications were taught as means of alleviating from pains of trials we go through. It was all about "me" in the woes and "I" needed to rely on God to get me out of a trial. "I" needed to have faith hard enough in God in order for him to grant "my" prayers. "I" had to take the first step and God would take care of everything else. God would grant "me" 'my" wishes of wealth because He promised "me" that He would prosper His children (Jeremiah 29:11 & Psalm 37:4). Because He saved me when I accepted His Son into my heart, He surely would give me everything here on earth, right? Why would He let His children suffer for their lack of material wealth, great career, good marriage, good health, and/or security in America the Christian nation? "I" have the right to equality, liberty and pursuit of happiness as a American Christian. If not, why would God give "me" "my" natural born talents?
Having gratitude is not hard. I'm grateful a lot of times. My life wasn't so hard either (besides my childhood). However, my family's and societal expectations caused me to have severe depression at college. That teaching was detrimental to my faith because my desires were never realized. The lives of Jesus and his disciples were opposite of the that teaching. I was jealous of my friends who did well. I never wanted to compare myself to people in third world countries or people with cancer from American egocentric perspective. But what could I do to be in a grateful mood?
For the past two months, my roommate would often ask me to look for good things in places where I hate to be at. I hated answering that question. I did not want to do positive thinking tactic. Tainted by my past, it was difficult to hear my brother's teaching about gratitude and renewing the mind. Out of context, it sounded like "The Secret". Of course, that was not what my brother was teaching at all.
After hearing my roommate's little sister sharing her gratitude of having relationships with her sisters and friends, I was encouraged to write down my gratitude. Better yet, I thought I would share from the depth of my heart on my blog weekly. Hence the title "Prelude to Gratitude of the Week." I think Thursday would be good. It is the only day when I have day off. It would be a good part of the Sabbath.
Well, I look forward to it. I hope you are, too.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:4-9 (ESV)Why would I shudder, you may ask? For a long time, I was taught to be thankful which is not a bad teaching at all. But as to what we are thankful for, I was conflicted. There are always people who are more fortunate than I am and there are always people who are less fortunate than I am. To compare to the more fortunate ones, I was taught not be jealous or to covet. Fair statement -- it followed the tenth commandment. To compare to the less fortunate ones, I was taught to be grateful for what I have in terms of material possessions and security along with the salvation. To apply this kind of gratitude had put me in the weird, conflicted moral position.
I hate comparison. I was hurt a lot by comparison. My mother would compare me to the children of her co-workers. She would tell me what they did and what I lacked or what I should do in the future. It was like I was not good enough for her. It was a part of putting me on a pedestal which put me under a huge pressure of her expectations. Not only her expectations but my entire family's as well. I was their hope to bring them out of financial burdens because my future looked promising when I got accepted into one of the top universities and my field of study was considered to be designed for brilliant minds. In fact, I was promising to them as I was growing up when I started showing my talent of a great academic mind which could lead to fulfillment of the American Dream. But I had to be better than everyone else. I did not speculate this. They told me. Directly. Many times.
In the church,, the life applications were taught as means of alleviating from pains of trials we go through. It was all about "me" in the woes and "I" needed to rely on God to get me out of a trial. "I" needed to have faith hard enough in God in order for him to grant "my" prayers. "I" had to take the first step and God would take care of everything else. God would grant "me" 'my" wishes of wealth because He promised "me" that He would prosper His children (Jeremiah 29:11 & Psalm 37:4). Because He saved me when I accepted His Son into my heart, He surely would give me everything here on earth, right? Why would He let His children suffer for their lack of material wealth, great career, good marriage, good health, and/or security in America the Christian nation? "I" have the right to equality, liberty and pursuit of happiness as a American Christian. If not, why would God give "me" "my" natural born talents?
Having gratitude is not hard. I'm grateful a lot of times. My life wasn't so hard either (besides my childhood). However, my family's and societal expectations caused me to have severe depression at college. That teaching was detrimental to my faith because my desires were never realized. The lives of Jesus and his disciples were opposite of the that teaching. I was jealous of my friends who did well. I never wanted to compare myself to people in third world countries or people with cancer from American egocentric perspective. But what could I do to be in a grateful mood?
For the past two months, my roommate would often ask me to look for good things in places where I hate to be at. I hated answering that question. I did not want to do positive thinking tactic. Tainted by my past, it was difficult to hear my brother's teaching about gratitude and renewing the mind. Out of context, it sounded like "The Secret". Of course, that was not what my brother was teaching at all.
After hearing my roommate's little sister sharing her gratitude of having relationships with her sisters and friends, I was encouraged to write down my gratitude. Better yet, I thought I would share from the depth of my heart on my blog weekly. Hence the title "Prelude to Gratitude of the Week." I think Thursday would be good. It is the only day when I have day off. It would be a good part of the Sabbath.
Well, I look forward to it. I hope you are, too.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The Feeling Of Gospel Being Alive
I feel this way sometimes: that the gospel is lost in our lives. Not just in my life but in a lot of people's lives. The people that I know. Whether they are Christians or not, in my church or not, in my interest group or not, but definitely in my life, I feel like that the gospel is lost most of the time.
But...
The feeling of the gospel is alive jumps in my heart when I see a friend sacrificing his or her life for another person. Recently this year, two of my friends adopted two Ethiopian deaf kids who are much older than the average adopted age. What is even more remarkable that the adopters are in their early twenties. They worked so hard to raise few tens of thousands of dollars and waited so patiently to adopt from the first day of their marriage. They even barely graduated! And the love they have for the kids are so heart-warming and I sense their agape. Their example of self-sacrificing and agape-giving is truly touching. They paint the picture that reflects the gospel.
Another friend whose parents adopted the two kids off the street. They already have five kids and all the kids already have reached the college age. When they saw two dirty kids wandering on the street, they welcomed them in the house. Somehow, these two kids had problems emotionally and mentally, and I don't know their background. But they decided to take care of the two kids as if they are their own. It's heart-warming.
Another friend adopted her niece as her own daughter. When she got married, her husband was on board to adopt her. Her parents were drug addicts and didn't care for her at all. Her father's sister stepped in and raised her as if she was her own kid. After seven years of legal custody battle, my friend and her husband finally adopted her. They sacrifice so much for her and they love her unconditionally.
I got adopted (metaphorically) into a family as a sister. I never have so many brothers and sisters before. The love for each other is overwhelmingly family-like. I am unconditionally loved by many including my current roommates. They are my sisters, too. In return, I want to love unconditionally as well, not just them but everyone else. One of them wants to adopt (legally).
The gospel is alive when people in Christ adopt others as their own, legally or metaphorically. Give them unconditional love and care. They put their whole lives into the others and they fight to sustain for the rest of their lives.
That's what God did and continue to do so. He adopts us as His own children by the sacrifice of His own son. When we are adopted, we change. When we get older and matured, we want to do the same for the others.
I am sure that the kids who were adopted will grow up to be loving people who have a heart for others like their adopted parents have a heart for them. I pray that this kind of love will pass on without skipping a generation.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Inner Struggle
Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit" had been a perpetual song for my soul throughout my college years. It still speaks now when I am struggling within myself. It's a real battle every day. It is not only using, but thinking. Like a part of the lyrics, I don't know how I got this way but I know it's not alright.
I have hurts and wounds. To move forward, I had to numb myself from feeling them again. They would never go away so I numbed myself more and more. Each time, they got increasingly intense.
Eventually, I became apathetic to the world. I became a cynic without hope for healing. Memories consume like opening the wound; I'm picking me apart again. I locked myself in my room so I could ritually leave myself in there once I stepped out to face the day. It was destructive. The battles always choose.
There were irrational days when I acted out of anger without a reason. I often went to school and toiled away, leaving me to wonder that I don't know what's worth fighting for (because I lost my identity in the process) or why I have to scream (inside). I don't know why I instigate (with my down-spiraling thoughts) and say what I don't mean (to God and to myself).
I'll paint it on the walls because I'm the one that falls. I'll never fight again and this is how it ends. I didn't want to deal anymore. I wanted it to end. The only way to end it was to end myself.
One day, I was presented with something beyond comprehension. Someone came into my life and wanted to love me. Clutching my cure (AGAPE), I tightly lock the door (this is it, no going back). Once I opened my wounds, I hurt so much more but I had no options left again. I began to know myself by letting go my fears.
Now that I have some clarity, I can show you what I mean. When I chose to give myself to the Lord, He washed me and made me new. Everyday, I have to confess my sins daily and courageously follow Him. That's how I am being healed. That's how slowly but surely, I can empathize again. I can live. I can present you with something beyond comprehension: AGAPE.
I'm breaking the habit tonight, every night. I still have my inner struggle but God is winning every night. Each morning anew.
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Resistance By Josh Garrels
I was born into a system constructed for failure
It’s a sinking ship being manned by drunken sailors
An escape artist behind the bars of a jailor
An asthmatic attack when they withold the inhaler
If the shoe doesn’t fit what good is a tailor
In the midst of a crisis please cancel the gala
Without a symphony there’s no need for a prelude
To foreshadow what’s to come.
See the secret committees, commence with their meetings
To make red tape in response to simple questions
Questions threaten the perception of the beneficial systems
A pyramid scheme with its cogs and its pistons
Mechanization of men, making more and more
Live in a miserable existence
How can so few, claim so many victims
And this begs the question
My rest is a weapon against the oppression
Of mans obsession to control things
Look at the long line of make believe kings
The lord of the flies wants you to kiss his ring
Follow new rules with invisible strings
And become a puppet in the diabolical scheme
How do good men become part of the regime
They don’t believe in resistance.
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm
We will not be moved
Lesson number one, overcome
Every fear of regret and confusion
It’s all illusion, delusion
Sent to disconnect the holy fusion
Of spirit and the flesh
Every mortal breath, is meant to bring forth fire
But only when the fear of death, gets consumed
On the funeral pier
So let the flames rise higher
Let every man be considered a liar
If he doubts the goodness and faithfulness of God
Itching ears will compulsively nod in approval
When unbelief is taught in all our temples and schools
But God can restrain the madness of a fool
He can bring His truth through the mouth of a mule
You can move an mountain without any tools
It just takes the faith of a little seed
to make a way through what might seem to be
Impossibility,
And the ability will match the occasion
The outcome will defy explanation
The liberation will not be televised
When it arrives like lightning in the skies
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm
For your love, we will rise and overcome
Through the fire
Hold fast my people and sing
Through peace and through suffering
All for the joy that it brings, to be free
It’s gonna cost us everything
To follow one Lord and King
True love endures everything
To be free
Hold fast, like an anchor in the storm
We will not be moved
It’s a sinking ship being manned by drunken sailors
An escape artist behind the bars of a jailor
An asthmatic attack when they withold the inhaler
If the shoe doesn’t fit what good is a tailor
In the midst of a crisis please cancel the gala
Without a symphony there’s no need for a prelude
To foreshadow what’s to come.
See the secret committees, commence with their meetings
To make red tape in response to simple questions
Questions threaten the perception of the beneficial systems
A pyramid scheme with its cogs and its pistons
Mechanization of men, making more and more
Live in a miserable existence
How can so few, claim so many victims
And this begs the question
My rest is a weapon against the oppression
Of mans obsession to control things
Look at the long line of make believe kings
The lord of the flies wants you to kiss his ring
Follow new rules with invisible strings
And become a puppet in the diabolical scheme
How do good men become part of the regime
They don’t believe in resistance.
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm
We will not be moved
Lesson number one, overcome
Every fear of regret and confusion
It’s all illusion, delusion
Sent to disconnect the holy fusion
Of spirit and the flesh
Every mortal breath, is meant to bring forth fire
But only when the fear of death, gets consumed
On the funeral pier
So let the flames rise higher
Let every man be considered a liar
If he doubts the goodness and faithfulness of God
Itching ears will compulsively nod in approval
When unbelief is taught in all our temples and schools
But God can restrain the madness of a fool
He can bring His truth through the mouth of a mule
You can move an mountain without any tools
It just takes the faith of a little seed
to make a way through what might seem to be
Impossibility,
And the ability will match the occasion
The outcome will defy explanation
The liberation will not be televised
When it arrives like lightning in the skies
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm
For your love, we will rise and overcome
Through the fire
Hold fast my people and sing
Through peace and through suffering
All for the joy that it brings, to be free
It’s gonna cost us everything
To follow one Lord and King
True love endures everything
To be free
Hold fast, like an anchor in the storm
We will not be moved
Friday, November 2, 2012
Reluctance Can Be Good
I'm very reluctant in sharing the Gospel on Facebook. In fact, I am with anyone outside of the church. Sometimes, I get reluctant to talk about Jesus with my Christian friends who are not part of the church I go to. It makes me uncomfortable.
Knowing the Scriptures can defend itself because God doesn't need someone to defend Him, it's a hard feeling that I don't share anything about Jesus. It's not the fear of rejection. My fear is hypocrisy. If I say I'm a Christian, I represent Christianity. If I want people understand Christianity, I must demonstrate the persona of Christianity besides just talking about it. How can an athlete achieve a gold medal? By intentionally and wholeheartedly devote oneself to practice everyday to become a gold medaled athlete even if one don't win a gold medal in the end.
I can talk about the Gospel. I can talk about Jesus and how I practice my faith that came from hearing the Word of God. However, I don't talk on Facebook. I don't claim to know all the answers or my interpretations are right. I wrestle with God's Word slash Jesus's teaching. By getting answers, I'd write on Facebook, hoping that someone would help me understand or achieve a goal to become more like Jesus. But instead, I'd get arguments or blatant disagreements. My honest opinion is an opinion. If I speak truth, I point to the Scriptures and why it has affected me in such a way.
Such experiences like that make me think twice about sharing it on Facebook. I have to show it from the inside in person. When I speak, there is no going back. I need to follow up with an action to show it. That I meant it. That the Gospel is real. That how Gospel has changed me. That what Jesus is saying is actually real. That why I came to be because of it.
If I don't follow up with what I say, I'm a liar or a hypocrite. If I share on Facebook, how can they see my actions? How can they see God's love if I argue with people? How can they see that I'm genuine about faith and in loving others because God loves me? Besides, I don't need to defend my faith. I let the Scriptures speak for itself and I'm just its vessel.
If I get defensive, then it shows that I want to be right no matter how wrong I can be. That's how I tend to get on Facebook. But that doesn't speak love. I need to be real and transparent. If I don't know then I say I don't know. Honesty is a real deal. It definitely brings out the realness of self and genuine expression of faith.
Being honest is an action too. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable because that's when God molds us. When we're honest with ourselves and others, we become vulnerable. It's not comfortable and yet that's how we grow. Like if the soil is soft and malleable, then the plant can sprout from its seed underground. If the soil is hardened, the plant will choke and will not grow.
Reluctance can be good if you don't want to be a hypocrite. Even if you believe so strongly, you want to think twice before you say anything because you don't want to make Jesus a liar. After all, action is needed to complete the talk. To talk about God is very serious. I care so much not to fail God by lying.
Knowing the Scriptures can defend itself because God doesn't need someone to defend Him, it's a hard feeling that I don't share anything about Jesus. It's not the fear of rejection. My fear is hypocrisy. If I say I'm a Christian, I represent Christianity. If I want people understand Christianity, I must demonstrate the persona of Christianity besides just talking about it. How can an athlete achieve a gold medal? By intentionally and wholeheartedly devote oneself to practice everyday to become a gold medaled athlete even if one don't win a gold medal in the end.
I can talk about the Gospel. I can talk about Jesus and how I practice my faith that came from hearing the Word of God. However, I don't talk on Facebook. I don't claim to know all the answers or my interpretations are right. I wrestle with God's Word slash Jesus's teaching. By getting answers, I'd write on Facebook, hoping that someone would help me understand or achieve a goal to become more like Jesus. But instead, I'd get arguments or blatant disagreements. My honest opinion is an opinion. If I speak truth, I point to the Scriptures and why it has affected me in such a way.
Such experiences like that make me think twice about sharing it on Facebook. I have to show it from the inside in person. When I speak, there is no going back. I need to follow up with an action to show it. That I meant it. That the Gospel is real. That how Gospel has changed me. That what Jesus is saying is actually real. That why I came to be because of it.
If I don't follow up with what I say, I'm a liar or a hypocrite. If I share on Facebook, how can they see my actions? How can they see God's love if I argue with people? How can they see that I'm genuine about faith and in loving others because God loves me? Besides, I don't need to defend my faith. I let the Scriptures speak for itself and I'm just its vessel.
If I get defensive, then it shows that I want to be right no matter how wrong I can be. That's how I tend to get on Facebook. But that doesn't speak love. I need to be real and transparent. If I don't know then I say I don't know. Honesty is a real deal. It definitely brings out the realness of self and genuine expression of faith.
Being honest is an action too. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable because that's when God molds us. When we're honest with ourselves and others, we become vulnerable. It's not comfortable and yet that's how we grow. Like if the soil is soft and malleable, then the plant can sprout from its seed underground. If the soil is hardened, the plant will choke and will not grow.
Reluctance can be good if you don't want to be a hypocrite. Even if you believe so strongly, you want to think twice before you say anything because you don't want to make Jesus a liar. After all, action is needed to complete the talk. To talk about God is very serious. I care so much not to fail God by lying.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
A Psalm A Day
I figured I should read Psalms. One psalm a day for 150 days, starting today.
To connect my emotions and my heart to God. To see if I'm not alone thinking about God in such a way. To see how David and other psalmists felt relating to God and the world.
To connect my emotions and my heart to God. To see if I'm not alone thinking about God in such a way. To see how David and other psalmists felt relating to God and the world.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Brene Brown: Listening to Shame
This is a follow up talk. It's another great 20 minutes to take time and listen.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Brené Brown: The Power Of Vulnerability
To connect to my previous post about showing your vulnerability, I want to encourage you to take 20 minutes to sit down and listen.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Hold Every Thought Captive
My roommate advised me, "Journaling!"
I think she is alluding to 2 Corinthians 10:5b, "...take every thought captive to obey Christ," when she said, "Write down your thoughts so you know the patterns that lead to your feelings. You think internally but you never say out of your mouth. You need to get them out. Write it everyday."
At least, that's what she said to the best of my memory.
I hate journaling. Blogging? That's just once in a while thing. Blogging != Journaling. (For those who don't know discrete math or programming, != means "does not equal to".)
I think internally. I process things internally. When someone asks me a question, I think before I answer. I share my thoughts with people sometimes. Other times I don't. I think a lot but I don't actively take the thoughts out. Maybe that's where danger comes in. If I don't speak my thoughts, my thoughts can turn into lies about other people and there's no one to speak truth against them.
That's when confusion happens. Confusion makes me depressed. I expressed it in my previous post about the choices I make. It could explain why I struggled so much with myself.
"Journaling!" she repeated.
Okay. I'll do it.
"And talk to your discipleship partner, " she added. "That's what God wants. Share. Show your vulnerability. Be open and be honest. She loves you. Let God speak truth."
At least, that's what I think she is saying.
For the last note, I want to continue after the verse, "Look at what is before your eyes. If anyone is confident that he is Christ's, let him remind himself that just as he is Christ's, so also are we. For even if I boast a little too much of our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you, I will not be ashamed." (2 Corinthians 10:7-8 ESV)
I think she is alluding to 2 Corinthians 10:5b, "...take every thought captive to obey Christ," when she said, "Write down your thoughts so you know the patterns that lead to your feelings. You think internally but you never say out of your mouth. You need to get them out. Write it everyday."
At least, that's what she said to the best of my memory.
I hate journaling. Blogging? That's just once in a while thing. Blogging != Journaling. (For those who don't know discrete math or programming, != means "does not equal to".)
I think internally. I process things internally. When someone asks me a question, I think before I answer. I share my thoughts with people sometimes. Other times I don't. I think a lot but I don't actively take the thoughts out. Maybe that's where danger comes in. If I don't speak my thoughts, my thoughts can turn into lies about other people and there's no one to speak truth against them.
That's when confusion happens. Confusion makes me depressed. I expressed it in my previous post about the choices I make. It could explain why I struggled so much with myself.
"Journaling!" she repeated.
Okay. I'll do it.
"And talk to your discipleship partner, " she added. "That's what God wants. Share. Show your vulnerability. Be open and be honest. She loves you. Let God speak truth."
At least, that's what I think she is saying.
For the last note, I want to continue after the verse, "Look at what is before your eyes. If anyone is confident that he is Christ's, let him remind himself that just as he is Christ's, so also are we. For even if I boast a little too much of our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you, I will not be ashamed." (2 Corinthians 10:7-8 ESV)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Times Of Doubt In Fellowship
There are times when I have doubt in my own choices. The choices I make regarding my faith in God of Israel are serious moments in my life.
In those times, I would wish God spoke clear words into my ears like a bird would sweetly sing from the wind. None from the mouths of the people around me because they could twist the words from their secret desires. I'd want to hear, "You're making the right choice here at this moment and at this place." That clear voice of the guide would put me at ease.
Also, I'd want the same clear voice would boom like a thunder and say, "You're making the wrong choice here. Go that way instead."
Sometimes, I can't trust my instincts or my heart to consider if I'm making the right choice here. I have secret desires sprouting like a boiling water while the God burns away to make room for pure love in my heart. Every choice I make from my wavering heart, ambiguous instinct or logical mind, am I believing that this is part of God's grand plan? School, jobs, friends, location, materials, church, etc.
Over the past summer and just like the summer before that, it was hard. It made me doubt if I made the right choice about the fellowship. The summer before, some people told me that I made the wrong choice. Over the past summer, different people told me things that made me questioned my choice. Am I making the right choice here?
It was difficult to trust their words because their concerns for me had nothing to do with my faith. They never once asked me how my faith was. After I made the choice, they never bothered to check with me when they spend time with me. Should this be the influence in my confidence in making that kind of choice?
My roommate advised me, "Look at your life, Annie. Look where God has led you."
Before two summers ago, I never had a fellowship as deep as my desire for the Scriptures to be true. Maybe I made the right choice. Maybe God spoke clearly to me through my roommate. I trust her because she showed concerns for me and my faith many times.
In times of doubting, I must hold fast like an anchor in the storm and believe that God is leading me where I am supposed to be.
In those times, I would wish God spoke clear words into my ears like a bird would sweetly sing from the wind. None from the mouths of the people around me because they could twist the words from their secret desires. I'd want to hear, "You're making the right choice here at this moment and at this place." That clear voice of the guide would put me at ease.
Also, I'd want the same clear voice would boom like a thunder and say, "You're making the wrong choice here. Go that way instead."
Sometimes, I can't trust my instincts or my heart to consider if I'm making the right choice here. I have secret desires sprouting like a boiling water while the God burns away to make room for pure love in my heart. Every choice I make from my wavering heart, ambiguous instinct or logical mind, am I believing that this is part of God's grand plan? School, jobs, friends, location, materials, church, etc.
Over the past summer and just like the summer before that, it was hard. It made me doubt if I made the right choice about the fellowship. The summer before, some people told me that I made the wrong choice. Over the past summer, different people told me things that made me questioned my choice. Am I making the right choice here?
It was difficult to trust their words because their concerns for me had nothing to do with my faith. They never once asked me how my faith was. After I made the choice, they never bothered to check with me when they spend time with me. Should this be the influence in my confidence in making that kind of choice?
My roommate advised me, "Look at your life, Annie. Look where God has led you."
Before two summers ago, I never had a fellowship as deep as my desire for the Scriptures to be true. Maybe I made the right choice. Maybe God spoke clearly to me through my roommate. I trust her because she showed concerns for me and my faith many times.
In times of doubting, I must hold fast like an anchor in the storm and believe that God is leading me where I am supposed to be.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Remembering The Nine Eleven
I remember the tragedy that struck the U.S.A. 11 years ago on this day. I was a freshman in high school. I was in Global Perspective class and the teacher turned on the TV around 9:30am. The news was showing live of the Two Towers and showing the recorded footage of a plane hitting it repeatedly in between. All of us were shocked. But we weren't quiet. Most of us talked during the news. I silently watched because I had no friends to talk with. We watched for an hour and then we saw one of the two towers collapsed to the ground. The bell rang and we went on like it was a normal day at school.
When I got home after school, I turned on the TV and I was engrossed. It was everywhere on the news. Until I went to sleep, that was the only thing I watched that night.
A short time has passed, a dramatized documentary about the September 11 attack has made. It had showed every minute of what happened from terrorists in the airport to the aftermath.
About 3000 people died that day. Senselessly.
It is now 11 years later. It actually happened. It was real. I was alive when a national tragedy came out of nowhere. But it feels surreal like I remember a dream so faintly. Because everyone of us quickly moved on and the war we're at seems to have lost its purpose. Our economy has gotten worse.
Since Bush declared "War on Terror", 6000 more people died. Senselessly.
Osama Bin Laden, whom the Intelligence deemed as the perpetrator, was killed last year. Why are our soldiers still fighting in the Middle East?
It is as though we are forgetting every year about September 11 attacks. Not even one out of hundred people at my work has mentioned it. I only saw one status on Facebook today honoring the dead. I don't know which is more tragic.
When I got home after school, I turned on the TV and I was engrossed. It was everywhere on the news. Until I went to sleep, that was the only thing I watched that night.
A short time has passed, a dramatized documentary about the September 11 attack has made. It had showed every minute of what happened from terrorists in the airport to the aftermath.
About 3000 people died that day. Senselessly.
It is now 11 years later. It actually happened. It was real. I was alive when a national tragedy came out of nowhere. But it feels surreal like I remember a dream so faintly. Because everyone of us quickly moved on and the war we're at seems to have lost its purpose. Our economy has gotten worse.
Since Bush declared "War on Terror", 6000 more people died. Senselessly.
Osama Bin Laden, whom the Intelligence deemed as the perpetrator, was killed last year. Why are our soldiers still fighting in the Middle East?
It is as though we are forgetting every year about September 11 attacks. Not even one out of hundred people at my work has mentioned it. I only saw one status on Facebook today honoring the dead. I don't know which is more tragic.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Complaining Away
I love to complain, but not like I am absolutely in love with the idea of complaining. It's more like I can't help it. I know complaining hurts and it destroys the sense of gratitude for simple things. So knowing how much complaining hurts my faith, I just can't help but complain about almost everything. Well, everything if I think about which things I didn't complain of.
There are global problems that everybody face. Unfortunately, some more than others. That others live so comfortably that global problems aren't present in their lives. I could fairly say that I am living comfortably if I compare myself to people who are facing serious hunger or illness or poverty or war. Although in United States, I am earning under a poverty line. I don't have health insurance so if I have serious illness, I can't have treatment. I don't starve but I eat less quality and cheap food during the weekdays. But I am still alive and enjoy privileges of having a roof over my head, a minimum wage job in a tough economic times, a car, Internet, entertainment and friends who like to treat me.
I can fairly say I'm in a safe environment. So why am I complaining? It is like throwing a gift of provision back in God's face and say, "This isn't good enough. I deserve better," when thousands of people are in serious danger.
I think it's a way of acknowledging what I have but in selfishness. Whenever I complain, it's about me not getting what I want or deserve. But there are few that are on the fence between selfishness and unfairness. Sometimes, I can't tell if I'm facing an unfair situation or I'm having a sense of entitlement. I can tell if other people are being selfish or snobby. But for me, it's hard to tell.
What I am learning from my train of thought right now? Well, nothing. I already know what complaining is and what it does. I may know sooner or later that my complaining comes from selfishness. But it sucks that I hate my job that has nothing to do with my field and I am earning way less than I would've like to when I factor in how much I invested in higher education. I feel like I abandoned my family in the dust when they rode their hopes and dreams on me. I should take actions and do something about it. Well, the thing is -- I'm not wholehearted in anything except when making a decision to follow Christ. Sometimes, I forget about that decision.
I'm still in the rut. Depression is creeping back in. My emotions are in the negative zone. What I can do? Prayer. Discipline. Gratitude. Fellowship. Giving. Focus on the heavenly realm and what is to come. God's promises. God gave me what I needed and He continues to give me what I need. I wish my wants aren't from worldly desires and I wish my feelings resonate strongly with God's desires.
There are global problems that everybody face. Unfortunately, some more than others. That others live so comfortably that global problems aren't present in their lives. I could fairly say that I am living comfortably if I compare myself to people who are facing serious hunger or illness or poverty or war. Although in United States, I am earning under a poverty line. I don't have health insurance so if I have serious illness, I can't have treatment. I don't starve but I eat less quality and cheap food during the weekdays. But I am still alive and enjoy privileges of having a roof over my head, a minimum wage job in a tough economic times, a car, Internet, entertainment and friends who like to treat me.
I can fairly say I'm in a safe environment. So why am I complaining? It is like throwing a gift of provision back in God's face and say, "This isn't good enough. I deserve better," when thousands of people are in serious danger.
I think it's a way of acknowledging what I have but in selfishness. Whenever I complain, it's about me not getting what I want or deserve. But there are few that are on the fence between selfishness and unfairness. Sometimes, I can't tell if I'm facing an unfair situation or I'm having a sense of entitlement. I can tell if other people are being selfish or snobby. But for me, it's hard to tell.
What I am learning from my train of thought right now? Well, nothing. I already know what complaining is and what it does. I may know sooner or later that my complaining comes from selfishness. But it sucks that I hate my job that has nothing to do with my field and I am earning way less than I would've like to when I factor in how much I invested in higher education. I feel like I abandoned my family in the dust when they rode their hopes and dreams on me. I should take actions and do something about it. Well, the thing is -- I'm not wholehearted in anything except when making a decision to follow Christ. Sometimes, I forget about that decision.
I'm still in the rut. Depression is creeping back in. My emotions are in the negative zone. What I can do? Prayer. Discipline. Gratitude. Fellowship. Giving. Focus on the heavenly realm and what is to come. God's promises. God gave me what I needed and He continues to give me what I need. I wish my wants aren't from worldly desires and I wish my feelings resonate strongly with God's desires.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Walking With God
Ecclesiastes 5:1-6 NKJV
This passage hits me because following Christ is a serious business. In verse 5, Solomon says, "it's better not to vow than to vow and not pay." God is not a toy to play with or to be manipulated. This passage reminds me how powerful God is. He holds us accountable for what we say when we walk with Him. That's why Jesus said in Matthew 5:33-37,
And James repeats it in James 5:12,
Totally serious.
We have to be careful with words. It's important to think before we speak whether out loud or quietly in our heart. God is in heaven, in charge of us on earth, and He will judge us. He holds us accountable because He doesn't want us to be double-minded and hypocrites. Actions and words go together hand in hand. When we say we are committed to follow Christ, we must be committed wholeheartedly to follow Christ.
1 Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. 2 Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few.
3 For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool’s voice is known by his many words. 4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed— 5 Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. 6 Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands? 7 For in the multitude of dreams and many words there is also vanity. But fear God.
This passage hits me because following Christ is a serious business. In verse 5, Solomon says, "it's better not to vow than to vow and not pay." God is not a toy to play with or to be manipulated. This passage reminds me how powerful God is. He holds us accountable for what we say when we walk with Him. That's why Jesus said in Matthew 5:33-37,
“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.’ But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God’s throne; nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."
And James repeats it in James 5:12,
"But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “Yes” be “Yes,” and your “No,” “No,” lest you fall into judgment."
Totally serious.
We have to be careful with words. It's important to think before we speak whether out loud or quietly in our heart. God is in heaven, in charge of us on earth, and He will judge us. He holds us accountable because He doesn't want us to be double-minded and hypocrites. Actions and words go together hand in hand. When we say we are committed to follow Christ, we must be committed wholeheartedly to follow Christ.
Friday, July 20, 2012
My Big Idol: Idle
Idle is my big idol. I don't actively or consciously worship it but it certainly does take up big chunk of my day. I practice it everyday even without realizing it. God hate idleness. We see it famously in Proverbs. Why? Because God is actively working and being idle is the opposite.
Idleness takes away my time from pursuing to seek out the lost souls. When I'm being called to do the Great Commission, I sit around all day and do unproductive activities. My favorite thing to do is read many blogs and watch YouTube videos. You don't need to mention Facebook out loud because I spend a lot of time on it, too. I can blame social networking for its addictive characteristics but it is just a tool. Like guns don't kill people, people kill people.
From time to time, I know I'm wasting away my time. I could have use time to do the productive things like making my portfolio or search for another job or learn a new skill. And still, I keep wasting away. Even though I realize this is a bad habit, I can't break it. It's been a habit of mine since I was a child. That's a long time. TV was my favorite pastime of idleness. Now it's Internet. I wish the books are.
Even now when I'm a Christian, I still worship idleness. The biggest priority of my day is not God at all. I don't read the Bible or pray. I browse Internet. Worst of all, idleness keeps me from what I've called to do: bringing Gospel to the lost souls. And what's even worse than this, I'm wasting away and my spirit is rotting away. The more time I idle, the more I want to idle. My brain turns to mush and my body turns to big blob of immovable flesh. Then I get a headache and I get sick and I have to stay in bed for few days to recover.
For a while, I used excuses to justify my idleness. I felt entitled to "relax" after a hard day of work. As long as I went to church every Sunday and had Bible study at least once a week, I felt entitled to have time to myself. Not feeling up to do the work I was assigned to, I browsed Internet to be entertained. I even used idleness to numb my emotions and wasted away the rest of the day so I could just move on the next day. (Ugh... Why won't I use books instead of Internet?)
Now that I admit and am aware of its consequences, what can I do about it? Well, inasmuch as I want to say, "Here is the list. Number one...," I know I can't break it easily. Taking a break from Internet won't help either because I'll go back into the cycle afterward. I need to find something to replace it completely and I can't use another tool (like books). It has to be completely different that glorifies God of His character.
Prayer. That is something I lack in and I need discipline in it. Jesus didn't waste his time. When he rested, he prayed. After a hard day of work, he prayed. He didn't waste away. He worked the next day, given with new strength because he prayed. If I continue to replace idleness with prayer, I can overcome my idol. Just so as long as I fix my eyes on Jesus. Will you help me? Because I can't do it alone.
Idleness takes away my time from pursuing to seek out the lost souls. When I'm being called to do the Great Commission, I sit around all day and do unproductive activities. My favorite thing to do is read many blogs and watch YouTube videos. You don't need to mention Facebook out loud because I spend a lot of time on it, too. I can blame social networking for its addictive characteristics but it is just a tool. Like guns don't kill people, people kill people.
From time to time, I know I'm wasting away my time. I could have use time to do the productive things like making my portfolio or search for another job or learn a new skill. And still, I keep wasting away. Even though I realize this is a bad habit, I can't break it. It's been a habit of mine since I was a child. That's a long time. TV was my favorite pastime of idleness. Now it's Internet. I wish the books are.
Even now when I'm a Christian, I still worship idleness. The biggest priority of my day is not God at all. I don't read the Bible or pray. I browse Internet. Worst of all, idleness keeps me from what I've called to do: bringing Gospel to the lost souls. And what's even worse than this, I'm wasting away and my spirit is rotting away. The more time I idle, the more I want to idle. My brain turns to mush and my body turns to big blob of immovable flesh. Then I get a headache and I get sick and I have to stay in bed for few days to recover.
For a while, I used excuses to justify my idleness. I felt entitled to "relax" after a hard day of work. As long as I went to church every Sunday and had Bible study at least once a week, I felt entitled to have time to myself. Not feeling up to do the work I was assigned to, I browsed Internet to be entertained. I even used idleness to numb my emotions and wasted away the rest of the day so I could just move on the next day. (Ugh... Why won't I use books instead of Internet?)
Now that I admit and am aware of its consequences, what can I do about it? Well, inasmuch as I want to say, "Here is the list. Number one...," I know I can't break it easily. Taking a break from Internet won't help either because I'll go back into the cycle afterward. I need to find something to replace it completely and I can't use another tool (like books). It has to be completely different that glorifies God of His character.
Prayer. That is something I lack in and I need discipline in it. Jesus didn't waste his time. When he rested, he prayed. After a hard day of work, he prayed. He didn't waste away. He worked the next day, given with new strength because he prayed. If I continue to replace idleness with prayer, I can overcome my idol. Just so as long as I fix my eyes on Jesus. Will you help me? Because I can't do it alone.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Lack Of Discipline
I think a lack of discipline is the root of my problems. Although I would love to blame everything that went and goes wrong on my parents and people who hurt me in the past because I have a lack of passion and no self-identity, I have a choice. To be disciplined or not to be disciplined.
Discipline is what stands as a root of anything that we do to accomplish. I believe it is. Because I did not stick to the work I was assigned, I lost passion for it. The work was grueling and confusing. I didn't like it at all. But in fact, I signed up for it. I paid for it because I thought it was interesting. I thought it would stimulate my mind to its full potential. I thought it would turn my interest into profit. If I was disciplined to finish every step of the way, I would have been proud of a big accomplishment. Instead, when it got too hard, I ran away. I tried to go back but the longer I stayed off, the worse it got.
The big irony of this is that I was very disciplined growing up (thanks to my mom). I was very studious and did everything well to the best of my abilities. I failed several times but I didn't give up. Perhaps, the biggest contribution to my current lack of discipline is the lack of information or lack of exploration beyond my family's expectations. My high school did not prepare me for post high school life but it did send me in a direction.
Perhaps, I lack information in my school work. Maybe that's why I did not stick to it. But my emotions associated with it were negative. I dropped out and I work miserably at minimum wage jobs. I try to be grateful because I am not unemployed and employers are not morally bad but it's really hard to after I pay back loans (and credit as well) and bills, I have almost nothing in my account.
Perhaps, if I go back and be disciplined in it, it will pay off. I will have a better job and be in a good financial situation so I don't have to worry so much everyday. I don't have to worry about my debt being forced onto my family. If going back is painful or back fires in my face because I left, I know I tried. It will be another hardship I have to endure.
Of course, I pray to God for a better job or a better situation but I know He is teaching me through all the hardships I'm enduring. Some of the hardships are the consequence of my action and choice, and unfortunately, others are the consequences of others around me. When the opportunity presents itself in unexpected ways, I wonder if this is the one I should take advantage of even at the cost of my own, like signing up for a life insurance.
There is one discipline that I don't want to lack in at any time. It is a walk with God. I'm glad that I have a family to support me and guide me in being a disciple of Christ. I make mistakes and falter from being perfect, but I definitely can believe in God's discipline will do me and others well in the long term (eternity). What's great about being a disciple of Christ, God teaches me every step of the way. His knowledge is readily available as long as my heart is open to it.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Rocket Punch Generation Shine by W & Whale
"R.P.G. Shine" (it stands for Rocket Punch Generation) by W&Whale from album Hardboiled in 2008. It's their first single. The lead singer goes by the name "Whale" and the instrumental band who wear dummy helmets over their heads is called "W". "W" was in the music scene since 1999 as an electronica band. I wonder if they were inspired by Daft Punk since they play in the same genre and wear helmets to conceal their identity. Anyway, "W" decided to include a vocalist and held audition. They found a female singer named "Whale" and decided to name their newly formed band in 2008, you guessed it, "W & Whale".
This song talks about a generation that is not happy with their lives but doesn't do anything about it. They're just stuck and are waiting for someone to change it for them. The term "Rocket Punch" is a reference to 1976 South Korean animated film called "Robot Taekwon V" which was inspired by a mecha series from Japan called Mazinger Z. The mecha in the film has a skill called "Rocket Punch" which launches its fist as a projectile and saves the day. Instead of having a mindset of letting a robot fight for them and uses "Rocket Punch" to save them, this song tells them to take actions themselves. If they want to their lives to change, they have to change themselves as a first step in taking actions.
When I first heard this song, I loved. The message may sound cliche but the choice of words is refreshing. Surprisingly, the jazzy vocal fits really well with electronica background. The music video is cute and quirky by random shots. It does have relevance to the song, like a disgruntled young guy at work takes a punch to his boss' face after "Whale" shouts this song in his ears as an encouragement.
Carnival Amour by Jaurim
"Carnival Amour" by Jaurim from album Ruby Sapphire Diamond in 2008. They're an active band since 1997. This band holds the record of longest time being together without any hiatus or member replacement in the South Korea music history. Keep on making music together, Jaurim!
At first, I didn't like it but it grew on me. Now I love this song. This is a break up song which is delightfully well written. "I'm sorry. Thank you. I enjoyed it. Let's have a clean break. Let's not make a big deal." It sounds like this person only likes having shallow relationships, using them for their own selfish gains and personal enjoyment. Perhaps it's why it's called "Carnival" Love. I think the tone (voice), the lyrics, the music, and the video show this sentiment appropriately well.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Bible: Not Always Pretty
I like to check out the Bible section in Barnes and Noble and see if there is a new edition, a new translation, or a new commentary/study. I like to look at covers to see what they come up with to try to sell this item. There are some Bible covers that have me dumbfounded especially with teenage covers.
I have to ask the marketing team if they know the Bible. There are very gruesome tales throughout the Bible. Even Jesus' parables and teachings weren't pretty to hear either. Yet, they market the Bible as a all happy and positive book, a must-read for people to feel good about themselves or their lives. God is all-loving, yes, but there are some passages that can throw us off and ask questions if God could ever possibly be like that. I heard many people who read the Bible thoroughly, they didn't want to be Christians. Not all, but many.
This kind of marketing with the design covers, I don't think they take the Bible very seriously. To them, it's either an attempt as an empty evangelical tool or a merchandise they can sell motivated by greed, like this example, The Playful Puppies Bible. I don't think people buy Bibles because they think it's cute or believe that Bible is all fluffy and nice. I think people buy Bibles because they are serious and want to get to know God. I don't think they care about the covers or don't even read the blurbs like they would on novels or self-help book. Marketing teams need to have their heads out of their clouds. Bible is of different realm, separate from any other books.
Bible is wonderful but it can be scary, too, at times. It has encouraging words to fill goodness in our hearts but it also has terrifying words that strike fear in our hearts. If you think Bible is full of pretty words to make you feel better, think again. If you read the link below, you might say, "Some are metaphors. Don't take it so literally." But I'd say, "I wouldn't undermine the power of God."
I'm not encouraging disbelief. I'm encouraging you to read the whole Bible, all the way through. Don't disbelieve some bad things happened in the Bible, otherwise you miss the point. Ask God for understanding spirit if you truly want to learn. I hope you can stomach what you're about to read. I hope it encourages you to read the Bible more and pray for more faith and wisdom.
http://listverse.com/2012/06/23/top-10-horrifying-moments-in-the-bible/
I have to ask the marketing team if they know the Bible. There are very gruesome tales throughout the Bible. Even Jesus' parables and teachings weren't pretty to hear either. Yet, they market the Bible as a all happy and positive book, a must-read for people to feel good about themselves or their lives. God is all-loving, yes, but there are some passages that can throw us off and ask questions if God could ever possibly be like that. I heard many people who read the Bible thoroughly, they didn't want to be Christians. Not all, but many.
This kind of marketing with the design covers, I don't think they take the Bible very seriously. To them, it's either an attempt as an empty evangelical tool or a merchandise they can sell motivated by greed, like this example, The Playful Puppies Bible. I don't think people buy Bibles because they think it's cute or believe that Bible is all fluffy and nice. I think people buy Bibles because they are serious and want to get to know God. I don't think they care about the covers or don't even read the blurbs like they would on novels or self-help book. Marketing teams need to have their heads out of their clouds. Bible is of different realm, separate from any other books.
Bible is wonderful but it can be scary, too, at times. It has encouraging words to fill goodness in our hearts but it also has terrifying words that strike fear in our hearts. If you think Bible is full of pretty words to make you feel better, think again. If you read the link below, you might say, "Some are metaphors. Don't take it so literally." But I'd say, "I wouldn't undermine the power of God."
I'm not encouraging disbelief. I'm encouraging you to read the whole Bible, all the way through. Don't disbelieve some bad things happened in the Bible, otherwise you miss the point. Ask God for understanding spirit if you truly want to learn. I hope you can stomach what you're about to read. I hope it encourages you to read the Bible more and pray for more faith and wisdom.
http://listverse.com/2012/06/23/top-10-horrifying-moments-in-the-bible/
Thursday, June 21, 2012
A Blog Worth Following
I found out a blog recently and it's called Stuff Christian Culture Likes.
It provokes observing and thinking on my part, whether I'm doing what I'm doing because of God said so in the Bible or because of this is how they do it. It is worth discerning what is true or what is false in regard to faith in Jesus. Time to read the Bible again!
http://www.stuffchristianculturelikes.com/
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Very Painful Retribution
I blame myself. Right now, I am paying dearly for my choices in the past five years.
Granted, I was unemployed for four to five months so I am very tight on my finances. My situation now is much different than my situation was before last year. Somehow, the transition didn't phase me as it should have had because I would have made much better choices in the past nine months. Financially.
My previous situation was that I did not have a car and I did not pay rent since I had grants/scholarship and student loan to pay the rent on-campus every year for 6 years. Even though I would make small money, my net income was much bigger. My situation now is that I do have a car and I am living off-campus, so I am paying car stuff and rent. What hasn't changed is that I have to pay for my own food and cellphone. I am still making small money, my net income is close to zero.
Because I was in my previous situation for so long, I splurged. I didn't manage my budget very well. I spent on stupid things. I would go out to eat almost every day. I was happily buying my friends gifts and food. I didn't save money as much as I should. I used credit card like it was nothing, thinking that I would pay off instantly if I stayed at school as long as I could.
And then I had a nervous breakdown this past November. I was laid off by choice. I couldn't register in school anymore because I failed to submit my capstone proposal in time. I did not know what I wanted to do with my life, let alone my capstone. My biggest struggle resurfaced: my identity. So I decided to take a three-month break, hoping to recuperate and refocus on my capstone project and my business project during that break. But instead, I moped. I was depressed. I did not want to do anything except going to church every Sunday.
When break was over, I knew I couldn't go back to school for a while so I had to look for a job to maintain my finances. Instead of looking for a job that is related to my studies, I went looking for a minimum wage simple job. Sounds inadequate, isn't it? I had no confidence in myself because I lost passion in everything. I was afraid. I finally got a part-time job three weeks ago. I am making less than I used to.
It is very unfortunate that I had to wake up from bliss of ignorance by being unemployed for months. My savings was dwindling as months went by to pay for rent, car stuff, and food. I could have applied for unemployment help when I was laid off but my pride would not let me accept help from the government. I didn't want it on my record. It would have been nice as to not having to see my money disappearing from month to month but I would betray my honor that was passed down from my mother and my grandfather. Especially from my mother who taught me that God values hard work.
I'm in much deeper debt now because I lived on credit cards for months. This situation is forcing me to budget wisely though very painfully. I am forcing myself not to spend money at all outside of living necessities. I have to look at how much those necessities cost. I have to calculate how many hours I need to cover those costs. I have to force myself not to live a lifestyle that I had before.
The reality is harsh, people. A very painful retribution. And then the student loans comes in...
Granted, I was unemployed for four to five months so I am very tight on my finances. My situation now is much different than my situation was before last year. Somehow, the transition didn't phase me as it should have had because I would have made much better choices in the past nine months. Financially.
My previous situation was that I did not have a car and I did not pay rent since I had grants/scholarship and student loan to pay the rent on-campus every year for 6 years. Even though I would make small money, my net income was much bigger. My situation now is that I do have a car and I am living off-campus, so I am paying car stuff and rent. What hasn't changed is that I have to pay for my own food and cellphone. I am still making small money, my net income is close to zero.
Because I was in my previous situation for so long, I splurged. I didn't manage my budget very well. I spent on stupid things. I would go out to eat almost every day. I was happily buying my friends gifts and food. I didn't save money as much as I should. I used credit card like it was nothing, thinking that I would pay off instantly if I stayed at school as long as I could.
And then I had a nervous breakdown this past November. I was laid off by choice. I couldn't register in school anymore because I failed to submit my capstone proposal in time. I did not know what I wanted to do with my life, let alone my capstone. My biggest struggle resurfaced: my identity. So I decided to take a three-month break, hoping to recuperate and refocus on my capstone project and my business project during that break. But instead, I moped. I was depressed. I did not want to do anything except going to church every Sunday.
When break was over, I knew I couldn't go back to school for a while so I had to look for a job to maintain my finances. Instead of looking for a job that is related to my studies, I went looking for a minimum wage simple job. Sounds inadequate, isn't it? I had no confidence in myself because I lost passion in everything. I was afraid. I finally got a part-time job three weeks ago. I am making less than I used to.
It is very unfortunate that I had to wake up from bliss of ignorance by being unemployed for months. My savings was dwindling as months went by to pay for rent, car stuff, and food. I could have applied for unemployment help when I was laid off but my pride would not let me accept help from the government. I didn't want it on my record. It would have been nice as to not having to see my money disappearing from month to month but I would betray my honor that was passed down from my mother and my grandfather. Especially from my mother who taught me that God values hard work.
I'm in much deeper debt now because I lived on credit cards for months. This situation is forcing me to budget wisely though very painfully. I am forcing myself not to spend money at all outside of living necessities. I have to look at how much those necessities cost. I have to calculate how many hours I need to cover those costs. I have to force myself not to live a lifestyle that I had before.
The reality is harsh, people. A very painful retribution. And then the student loans comes in...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Self-Perpetuating White Noise
I hardly know what to say especially in public eyes. I rarely give my opinions though I have strong opinions to share with my friends. I usually give priority to learning everything I can because I love learning anything that I can get my hands on. I have interest in a very wide range of topics. There are some topics that I don't care for, such as finances and politics, but they are essential in living wisely.
No matter what the topic is, I always connect it to Biblical knowledge however relatively it may be. Science? Sure! Even Evolutionary Theory that some Christians deemed heresy. Computers? Yes! Psychology? Absolutely. LOLcats? Though it sounds ridiculous, then I would say, "Definitely."
In the social networking world, everyone has something to say. 99% of the time, it is opinionated. I do it, too. On Facebook, I write what's on my mind and sometimes, I think to myself, "Why am I doing this?" If I think of something that I think is worth sharing, I post it. Little bit of my feelings and a lot of pointless media products.
Thanks to social networking world, 99% of my friends and I are revealed egotistical in some way. We love to share a piece of ourselves. Whenever a friend post a heavy opinion or life situation, I click on it and read all the comments below. I love learning what people think and what people do. It's a fascinating topic I delve into most of the times. As I have said to my close friends many times, I love history. I love to research and formulate hypothesis on how and why events may happened. You can see that in my previous post, Mere Speculations on Riches and Taxes.
After a year of exposure to Christian blogging world, I have learned a lot. I have read about types of church, Christian celebrity pastors, religion-political movements, famous Christian authors, doctrines, Christian media, and Christians' opinions and actions. During the reading stage, I would get into uncomfortable field of emotions. I have felt anger, confusion, haughtiness, challenged, defeated, shame and delight, all at the same time. I wanted to say something and give a piece of my mind to retaliate or prove someone wrong. I wanted to share on Facebook a some blogger's opinion that I agree with. I wanted to show the world that my belief is right based on Biblical truth. It's an ugly thing. And I only shared two or three times.
After a year, with all the knowledge I obtained from the Christian blogging world, I have become a little wiser: how NOT to act or react. I learned not to give my own opinion. No matter what I say, I won't win. No matter how hard I try to back it up with Scriptures, I come off as a religious hard-headed nut. No matter how much I try to back up someone else's opinion that I agree with, I feel too one-sided. I learned that involving in these ugly matters won't win any lost souls that Jesus commanded me to Great Commission. Even blogging won't do a thing.
Well, as long as I'm honest and willing to be humbled to listen, I'm cool, right?
We love to give opinions. But do I wonder what Jesus would say amongst the self-perpetuating white noise?
No matter what the topic is, I always connect it to Biblical knowledge however relatively it may be. Science? Sure! Even Evolutionary Theory that some Christians deemed heresy. Computers? Yes! Psychology? Absolutely. LOLcats? Though it sounds ridiculous, then I would say, "Definitely."
In the social networking world, everyone has something to say. 99% of the time, it is opinionated. I do it, too. On Facebook, I write what's on my mind and sometimes, I think to myself, "Why am I doing this?" If I think of something that I think is worth sharing, I post it. Little bit of my feelings and a lot of pointless media products.
Thanks to social networking world, 99% of my friends and I are revealed egotistical in some way. We love to share a piece of ourselves. Whenever a friend post a heavy opinion or life situation, I click on it and read all the comments below. I love learning what people think and what people do. It's a fascinating topic I delve into most of the times. As I have said to my close friends many times, I love history. I love to research and formulate hypothesis on how and why events may happened. You can see that in my previous post, Mere Speculations on Riches and Taxes.
After a year of exposure to Christian blogging world, I have learned a lot. I have read about types of church, Christian celebrity pastors, religion-political movements, famous Christian authors, doctrines, Christian media, and Christians' opinions and actions. During the reading stage, I would get into uncomfortable field of emotions. I have felt anger, confusion, haughtiness, challenged, defeated, shame and delight, all at the same time. I wanted to say something and give a piece of my mind to retaliate or prove someone wrong. I wanted to share on Facebook a some blogger's opinion that I agree with. I wanted to show the world that my belief is right based on Biblical truth. It's an ugly thing. And I only shared two or three times.
After a year, with all the knowledge I obtained from the Christian blogging world, I have become a little wiser: how NOT to act or react. I learned not to give my own opinion. No matter what I say, I won't win. No matter how hard I try to back it up with Scriptures, I come off as a religious hard-headed nut. No matter how much I try to back up someone else's opinion that I agree with, I feel too one-sided. I learned that involving in these ugly matters won't win any lost souls that Jesus commanded me to Great Commission. Even blogging won't do a thing.
Well, as long as I'm honest and willing to be humbled to listen, I'm cool, right?
We love to give opinions. But do I wonder what Jesus would say amongst the self-perpetuating white noise?
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Just Saying To Myself
I want to be a do-er when I am a hear-er.
I want to be a say-er when I am a do-er.
I want to be a pray-er when I am a say-er.
I want to be a hear-er when I am a pray-er.
I want to be a say-er when I am a do-er.
I want to be a pray-er when I am a say-er.
I want to be a hear-er when I am a pray-er.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Mere Speculations on Riches and Taxes
Earlier in the year, America had waves of "Occupy" protests. The biggest protest was "Occupy Wall Street" and the slogan was "We Are 99%" which would say that 1% of the American population hold a much greater percentage of wealth than the rest combined. Perhaps, this protest was a response to high unemployment rate or recession hits that we had in decades. Since the recessions, there was festering in congress about economy.
Today, I saw a status that my friend posted on her Facebook wall. It contained an infographic poster about how society view a "crazy" person. One of the comments had a link to Occupy Wall St Posters Tumblr site where this poster came from. It was indeed educational, in a sense that I learned the other views of the protests.
Today, I saw a status that my friend posted on her Facebook wall. It contained an infographic poster about how society view a "crazy" person. One of the comments had a link to Occupy Wall St Posters Tumblr site where this poster came from. It was indeed educational, in a sense that I learned the other views of the protests.
 |
| http://owsposters.tumblr.com/ |
I admit, when I heard about Occupy protests, I was confused. I read Wikipedia articles about them which I think was the reliable source for least biased information at the time. The media covered mostly on police brutality and the "One Percent" side of the story. After reading the articles, I didn't see how these protests would accomplish anything. Although the protesters' actions were admirable in my eyes, they lacked clear vision of their goals. Which is probably why these protests didn't make a considerable impact on America but they probably would make in history textbooks.
From looking at this Tumblr site, it seems that Occupy Wall St has deeper cause. It is a political issue about how the government we have today runs and its overtone is that our government rules favorably toward a group that can give a lot of money. This site argues that the government tend to oppresses the citizens with taxes and laws that ban some freedom in order for the rich to gain more money. Our government uses contrived reasoning that rich can empower economy when it has money to run its company, while taxing middle/lower class more to make up the loss. This site questions the government's fidelity to Constitution when money rules and people are no longer have the say.
I have had disillusions with the government recently. I also question the public as well. I can't blame one or the other but I certainly can feel how broken this country is. After reading many infographic posters, my mind stirred that led to my knowledge on American history in high school. I also watched Liberty's Kids on PBS along with it. If my memories are not mistaken, I just found United States as a great nation of regressive irony. If I have to compare to an example of world history in equivalence, I would say French Revolution in 1790s.
We all know on surface, that French Revolution happened because the poor got sick of being mistreated by the monarchs and nobles so they rebelled. They wanted freedom and ability to rule themselves in democratic fashion. However, after they killed the monarchs as a beginning point of democracy, they faced the Reign of Terror. The oppressed had become the oppressor. So they reverted back to monarchy with Napoleon who called himself king.
As such, the American Revolution happened because the people in colonies got sick of being taxed without any representation or consultation. The British Empire wanted to impose series of taxes on colonies to pay a larger portion of the costs of French-Indian War. After the colonies successfully gained independence from the British Empire, the colonies was facing economic depression as result of a costly war. So the newly formed government (with intent of representing the people), it imposed the heavy tax on people who could barely make a living to pay off their debt to the merchants. By merchants' demand, this government would jail those who couldn't pay tax or debt and take their lands. It led to Shays' Rebellion because the debtors were not being heard and most of them were veterans (they were mostly farmers as well) who fought for the colonies and did not get paid. They weren't represented in American government just like colonies weren't represented in British Empire.
Likewise, we today are facing the same problems. We are in debt to the companies and rich people. Taxes in some states and interests are high. The congressmen draft up bills with little regard to the public, but much regard to the lobbyists that represent the rich, for recent instance, SOPA. We are still taxed without representation. We can still see that rich get richer and poor gets poorer somewhere in America. I could see why the Occupy Wall St protests occurred because a similar thing happened 200 years ago.
The funny thing is that the history textbooks applaud George Washington's success in crushing the Shays' Rebellion while they minimize the reason or the irony presented in the rebellion in similar to applauding the government's expansion of the land while minimizing the Natives' sufferings at the hands of the government.
These mere speculations are convincing me to nod in agreement that history is doomed to repeat itself if we don't remember or don't learn from it.
From looking at this Tumblr site, it seems that Occupy Wall St has deeper cause. It is a political issue about how the government we have today runs and its overtone is that our government rules favorably toward a group that can give a lot of money. This site argues that the government tend to oppresses the citizens with taxes and laws that ban some freedom in order for the rich to gain more money. Our government uses contrived reasoning that rich can empower economy when it has money to run its company, while taxing middle/lower class more to make up the loss. This site questions the government's fidelity to Constitution when money rules and people are no longer have the say.
I have had disillusions with the government recently. I also question the public as well. I can't blame one or the other but I certainly can feel how broken this country is. After reading many infographic posters, my mind stirred that led to my knowledge on American history in high school. I also watched Liberty's Kids on PBS along with it. If my memories are not mistaken, I just found United States as a great nation of regressive irony. If I have to compare to an example of world history in equivalence, I would say French Revolution in 1790s.
We all know on surface, that French Revolution happened because the poor got sick of being mistreated by the monarchs and nobles so they rebelled. They wanted freedom and ability to rule themselves in democratic fashion. However, after they killed the monarchs as a beginning point of democracy, they faced the Reign of Terror. The oppressed had become the oppressor. So they reverted back to monarchy with Napoleon who called himself king.
As such, the American Revolution happened because the people in colonies got sick of being taxed without any representation or consultation. The British Empire wanted to impose series of taxes on colonies to pay a larger portion of the costs of French-Indian War. After the colonies successfully gained independence from the British Empire, the colonies was facing economic depression as result of a costly war. So the newly formed government (with intent of representing the people), it imposed the heavy tax on people who could barely make a living to pay off their debt to the merchants. By merchants' demand, this government would jail those who couldn't pay tax or debt and take their lands. It led to Shays' Rebellion because the debtors were not being heard and most of them were veterans (they were mostly farmers as well) who fought for the colonies and did not get paid. They weren't represented in American government just like colonies weren't represented in British Empire.
Likewise, we today are facing the same problems. We are in debt to the companies and rich people. Taxes in some states and interests are high. The congressmen draft up bills with little regard to the public, but much regard to the lobbyists that represent the rich, for recent instance, SOPA. We are still taxed without representation. We can still see that rich get richer and poor gets poorer somewhere in America. I could see why the Occupy Wall St protests occurred because a similar thing happened 200 years ago.
The funny thing is that the history textbooks applaud George Washington's success in crushing the Shays' Rebellion while they minimize the reason or the irony presented in the rebellion in similar to applauding the government's expansion of the land while minimizing the Natives' sufferings at the hands of the government.
These mere speculations are convincing me to nod in agreement that history is doomed to repeat itself if we don't remember or don't learn from it.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Something I Wrote: "What Could It Mean?"
Last night, I was hanging out with a friend. We were in the making of our illustrated epic poem based on a dream I had few months ago. Talking about my dream segued to my past blogs. I used to write in my private blog for six months about the dreams I had, only the dreams I could remember. Then there was another blog I had and looked over it. One of the posts I made was startling. I wrote this post a year before I began to know a fellowship I am now part of. Three years after this post, I saw the parallel between this fellowship's living examples and my belief. I was surprised because I knew I changed and learned a lot since I joined the fellowship this past summer but somehow, I had some wisdom hidden in my brain that made me see that this fellowship is what I had desired for a while. The fellowship that makes my hidden wisdom a reality.
Here is what I wrote on June 25th, 2009.
Here is what I wrote on June 25th, 2009.
- Being blessed doesn’t mean you got a car, a house, or more things. It means having someone to share with.
- Having courages doesn’t mean go risking your life but able to face the consequences no matter how difficult they may be.
- Being brave doesn’t mean facing the danger but going out of your way to help people.
- Being smart doesn’t mean you know everything but knowing how to make the right choices.
- Being successful doesn’t mean you make a lot of money but your accomplishment affect positively on people.
- Being right doesn’t mean you are right about things but right with others.
- Being humbled doesn’t mean you don’t get credit but you don’t boast.
- True love doesn’t mean spending lifetime with someone but rather love everyone unconditionally no matter who they are or where they from and that you would give up your life for them.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
From My Heart
I thought I would share a little something from my heart.
I cannot be grateful enough. When I see my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ striving and working for God, I see the reality of the Scriptures. The Scriptures ring true when someone is actually doing God's work. The Scriptures make so much sense when someone is disciplined in Christ. When I became a disciple of Christ in the past summer, my perception has changed completely. When I accepted the Scriptures as Truth and Authority into my heart, my faith grew.
I let go of my logic and my knowledge. I let go of what I've learned before and judgment. I let go of preconceived notion of what Christianity is. I let go of my struggle with living by the sermons at church. I let go of my mother's lessons. I let go of Christians' expectations. I let go of slogans and memorized verses. I let go of media's and famous pastors' and evangelists' discourse. I let go of everything I knew about God before the time when I started learning that there is something more than just believing in Jesus can save me from hell.
I relied on my "high" feelings to reinforce my belief that Jesus Christ is real. I relied on scientific evidences for God to continue to defend my belief. I relied on other people's anecdotes that I was not crazy. I relied on the flaws of other religion that Christianity was the only true thing. I relied on friendship with Christian friends that I could get through difficult times of loneliness and stresses from their prayers and encouragement. I relied on blessing verses that God would bring me relief to my financial burdens. I relied on music worship to get close to God. I relied on material blessings to know that I was loved. I relied on worldly humanistic wisdom that God was good. I relied on my weekly attending at Sunday church, Bible study and Tuesday lunch gathering to believe that I believed in Jesus Christ. For six years, I relied on easy ability to believe that Jesus saved my life and I could just do whatever I thought it was best for me. That was how I knew.
These reliance are not ways to follow God but these are great lessons to know that God is much, much bigger. I have gained awesome, good friends through these six years. Do I regret it? I don't because I have gained great gifts from God for I learned the errors of my ways.
I'm not saying the six years before this past summer were waste of my time. I genuinely believed in Christ as my Savior and my God. But I didn't know how I could resonate this belief into something real. I struggled a lot with my faith in God. I relied on things that were never of God's to keep my feeble faith going.
What was holding me back from knowing the true God was my past and my cynical view of the world. If God is so good, then why did I go through such traumatic experiences for a innocent little girl? When I learned of horrible events to people around the world, why is God not doing anything? When I saw people doing bad things, why is God not punishing them since God does not condone evil? Those questions were precedents in my view of Christianity. That view held me back although my heart was yearning for truth in the meanwhile.
I'm really glad that God has answered my prayer when I went to college. I really wanted a great group of Christian friends which ironically, a group of Christians in my past hurt me so much. I really wanted to go to a good church which ironically, the churches I went to in my past did not welcome me. I really wanted to know God which ironically, I used Him just to live a good life because I had a crappy past. I used "The Sinner's Prayer: Pray Jesus into My Heart" card so I could be a good person and get rewards. God answered my prayer with these six years but they weren't a complete package. These six years would have been enough. These six years would have kept me going with knowledge they had taught me. No, these six years were the beginning of God's answer to my faith.
There was something in my heart that flickered, something that had been wanting. I really want to say that this something is God's gift for me: humility. The gift of humility has taken me far. Despite my pride in my knowledge and blessings, God gave me humility because this wasn't it. It took me a while to get the memo. When I did, I let go. When I let go, God gave me a gift of joy in knowing the real truth through observation of the disciples of Christ living by the Scriptures.
The observation wasn't the only part of the gift; a girl, who wants to share the Truth and wanted to love because Christ loved her, came into my life. This girl, so compassionate that she saw how stuck I was in my darkness, teared up when I told her I hated my father. This girl, who never gives up trying to bring people to light, prayed for a year with other disciples so I could get out of my darkness. This girl, who never stands down when people reject her, was there for me when I needed her after I rejected her. This girl, who stands for Truth, showed me what Scriptures truly are about. She did it all in Christ for Christ because Christ did these actions, too. She had the love of Christ because she let go of her pride and let God teach her through the disciples of Christ. A hundred percent of her heart for Him went to me.
It was love of Christ that changed my heart. When I experienced the love of Christ through this girl, the flicker in my heart grew bigger. When I learned the Truth, I wanted to be baptized. Once I went under the water this past summer, I became her disciple and her sister. The disciples of Christ became my family. She continues to teach me about Christ and the Scriptures as Truth and Authority so I can become like Christ. I can change someone's heart with the love of Christ through me. All it takes is what she did for me, keep on loving and never give up. A hundred percent of my heart to someone.
If it wasn't for these six years, I wouldn't have met her. Who knows what would happen now if I had not met her?
I cannot be grateful enough. When I see my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ striving and working for God, I see the reality of the Scriptures. The Scriptures ring true when someone is actually doing God's work. The Scriptures make so much sense when someone is disciplined in Christ. When I became a disciple of Christ in the past summer, my perception has changed completely. When I accepted the Scriptures as Truth and Authority into my heart, my faith grew.
I let go of my logic and my knowledge. I let go of what I've learned before and judgment. I let go of preconceived notion of what Christianity is. I let go of my struggle with living by the sermons at church. I let go of my mother's lessons. I let go of Christians' expectations. I let go of slogans and memorized verses. I let go of media's and famous pastors' and evangelists' discourse. I let go of everything I knew about God before the time when I started learning that there is something more than just believing in Jesus can save me from hell.
I relied on my "high" feelings to reinforce my belief that Jesus Christ is real. I relied on scientific evidences for God to continue to defend my belief. I relied on other people's anecdotes that I was not crazy. I relied on the flaws of other religion that Christianity was the only true thing. I relied on friendship with Christian friends that I could get through difficult times of loneliness and stresses from their prayers and encouragement. I relied on blessing verses that God would bring me relief to my financial burdens. I relied on music worship to get close to God. I relied on material blessings to know that I was loved. I relied on worldly humanistic wisdom that God was good. I relied on my weekly attending at Sunday church, Bible study and Tuesday lunch gathering to believe that I believed in Jesus Christ. For six years, I relied on easy ability to believe that Jesus saved my life and I could just do whatever I thought it was best for me. That was how I knew.
These reliance are not ways to follow God but these are great lessons to know that God is much, much bigger. I have gained awesome, good friends through these six years. Do I regret it? I don't because I have gained great gifts from God for I learned the errors of my ways.
I'm not saying the six years before this past summer were waste of my time. I genuinely believed in Christ as my Savior and my God. But I didn't know how I could resonate this belief into something real. I struggled a lot with my faith in God. I relied on things that were never of God's to keep my feeble faith going.
What was holding me back from knowing the true God was my past and my cynical view of the world. If God is so good, then why did I go through such traumatic experiences for a innocent little girl? When I learned of horrible events to people around the world, why is God not doing anything? When I saw people doing bad things, why is God not punishing them since God does not condone evil? Those questions were precedents in my view of Christianity. That view held me back although my heart was yearning for truth in the meanwhile.
I'm really glad that God has answered my prayer when I went to college. I really wanted a great group of Christian friends which ironically, a group of Christians in my past hurt me so much. I really wanted to go to a good church which ironically, the churches I went to in my past did not welcome me. I really wanted to know God which ironically, I used Him just to live a good life because I had a crappy past. I used "The Sinner's Prayer: Pray Jesus into My Heart" card so I could be a good person and get rewards. God answered my prayer with these six years but they weren't a complete package. These six years would have been enough. These six years would have kept me going with knowledge they had taught me. No, these six years were the beginning of God's answer to my faith.
There was something in my heart that flickered, something that had been wanting. I really want to say that this something is God's gift for me: humility. The gift of humility has taken me far. Despite my pride in my knowledge and blessings, God gave me humility because this wasn't it. It took me a while to get the memo. When I did, I let go. When I let go, God gave me a gift of joy in knowing the real truth through observation of the disciples of Christ living by the Scriptures.
The observation wasn't the only part of the gift; a girl, who wants to share the Truth and wanted to love because Christ loved her, came into my life. This girl, so compassionate that she saw how stuck I was in my darkness, teared up when I told her I hated my father. This girl, who never gives up trying to bring people to light, prayed for a year with other disciples so I could get out of my darkness. This girl, who never stands down when people reject her, was there for me when I needed her after I rejected her. This girl, who stands for Truth, showed me what Scriptures truly are about. She did it all in Christ for Christ because Christ did these actions, too. She had the love of Christ because she let go of her pride and let God teach her through the disciples of Christ. A hundred percent of her heart for Him went to me.
It was love of Christ that changed my heart. When I experienced the love of Christ through this girl, the flicker in my heart grew bigger. When I learned the Truth, I wanted to be baptized. Once I went under the water this past summer, I became her disciple and her sister. The disciples of Christ became my family. She continues to teach me about Christ and the Scriptures as Truth and Authority so I can become like Christ. I can change someone's heart with the love of Christ through me. All it takes is what she did for me, keep on loving and never give up. A hundred percent of my heart to someone.
If it wasn't for these six years, I wouldn't have met her. Who knows what would happen now if I had not met her?
Monday, January 16, 2012
First Corinthians Thirteen Part Two
Read: First Corinthian Thirteen Part One
To explore the question "What happens if you do all first three verses but have love?" that I stated in the previous post, I want to look at each attribute extensively, if not thoroughly. The attributes of love written in the passage are in NIV 1984 in verses 4-8:
So what do they mean for us? Why did Paul write to Corinthians (and us) about love is about taking actions, why are they so important that in first three verses that contain the phrase "but have not love" and say that love is greatest, not faith and hope in verse 13?
As an Applied Mathematics major in my college days, I learned that substitution is a powerful method in solving complex integral equations. To apply this method to the Scriptures to get better understanding for myself, I want to use this verse [1 John 4:8] "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." And I want to use another verse for the purpose of showing examples [John 10:30] "I and the Father are one." To apply another method but same principle from Discrete Math (a=b and b=c, then a=c), if Love is God and God is Jesus then Love is Jesus. (Note: please forgive my math geekyness).
To rewrite this passage, "Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He is not rude, he is not self‑seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails."
It is not a new concept. We know that Jesus are these things. In the four Gospel books, he had shown and done them countless times even to certain groups that Jewish people condemned the "worst sinners". I want to show what love looks like when Jesus actively and lovingly displayed all of those actions. Then we can get a clear idea that Paul definitely knew what he was talking about and to disprove a common commentary that supposedly Paul couldn't know how to describe love.
For words themselves in the list, we know what they mean and we know that they're good. In practice, what do they look like?
To explore the question "What happens if you do all first three verses but have love?" that I stated in the previous post, I want to look at each attribute extensively, if not thoroughly. The attributes of love written in the passage are in NIV 1984 in verses 4-8:
- Patient
- Kind
- Does not Envy
- Does not Boast
- Not Proud
- Not Rude
- Not Self-seeking
- Not easily Angered
- Keeps NO record of Wrongs
- Does not delight in Evil
- Rejoices with the Truth
- Always Protects
- Always Trusts
- Always Hopes
- Always Perseveres
- Never Fails
So what do they mean for us? Why did Paul write to Corinthians (and us) about love is about taking actions, why are they so important that in first three verses that contain the phrase "but have not love" and say that love is greatest, not faith and hope in verse 13?
As an Applied Mathematics major in my college days, I learned that substitution is a powerful method in solving complex integral equations. To apply this method to the Scriptures to get better understanding for myself, I want to use this verse [1 John 4:8] "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." And I want to use another verse for the purpose of showing examples [John 10:30] "I and the Father are one." To apply another method but same principle from Discrete Math (a=b and b=c, then a=c), if Love is God and God is Jesus then Love is Jesus. (Note: please forgive my math geekyness).
To rewrite this passage, "Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He is not rude, he is not self‑seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails."
It is not a new concept. We know that Jesus are these things. In the four Gospel books, he had shown and done them countless times even to certain groups that Jewish people condemned the "worst sinners". I want to show what love looks like when Jesus actively and lovingly displayed all of those actions. Then we can get a clear idea that Paul definitely knew what he was talking about and to disprove a common commentary that supposedly Paul couldn't know how to describe love.
For words themselves in the list, we know what they mean and we know that they're good. In practice, what do they look like?
Saturday, January 14, 2012
First Corinthians Thirteen Part One
It is a famous passage about love. Paul wrote to Corinthians about what love is about. It is popular in Christian weddings when a pastor use to remind and encourage the groom and the bride how to love one another. The love between the groom and the bride is described how it should be expressed in action, equating to Jesus' love for his Church (bride).
Let's expand on this passage by reading from first verse to last in chapter 13.
You see, you can't know what this passage truly means until you read the whole Bible. And if you read the whole Bible, you can see how Jesus and Paul demonstrated their love just as well as you can see how God's faithful people demonstrated their love in the Old Testaments. Most importantly, you can see how God demonstrated His love in both the Old Testaments and the New Testaments. What I am trying to say is that you can't just pick one passage out of the Bible and let that passage speaks the whole Truth. Not even a verse. We have to look at God's real intention when we read a passage like this one, otherwise it won't make sense with other passages.
To get back on track, let's look at first 3 verses. But before we do, let's keep in mind that Paul was not married and he was on the Great Commission. He was filled with the Holy Spirit when he wrote it. This is my understanding.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels
I know the Scriptures and I can speak to you about God, Jesus, and the Gospel whether you are a man or an angel.
but have not love
I can talk about love but I do not walk the walk as in loving you like these examples: Matthew 25:35-45, Luke 10:25-37
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
Then what I say to you about God or the Gospel is meaningless and all you hear is noise, not words.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
Sure, I have a gift of knowing who God is and I totally understand all the mysteries and the Bible
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
Even if I have faith so strong that I believe God can move mountains for me right there and then
but have not love, I am nothing.
But I do not love you, then what's my faith to you? Nothing. It's not worth for you to bother to look at.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
I can do charities, I can give all my possessions and even die for my faith
but have not love, I gain nothing.
But I do not love you. My sacrifice does not mean anything to you. All you see is that I'm a fool.
This is Paul's introduction to the subject of love. He began to share his experience on what it is like to have faith but not with love in his heart [Acts 8:1-3, Acts 9:1-4, Acts 22: 1-5]. He was a zealous Jew trained as a Pharisee who knew the Laws of the Prophets (God's Law) but he did not follow the spirit of the Law (the intention of God's Law) which loving is a part of it. He went far to defend his Jewish faith by going to house to house to weed out Christians and even more further by traveling 150 miles to Damascus just to do the same. He was strong in his faith but he did not love anyone. By look of his past identity, you'd say that he was a crazy, dangerous murderer and he self-justified his actions in his faith. You wouldn't want anything to do with him because he is out there killing people and you wouldn't want anything to do with his God, either, because his God is endorsing his madness.
The next 5 verses describe "what happens if you do all first three verses but have love?" Let's explore this question later. In the meantime, please read Psalm 1. I think Psalm 1 is a great passage to dwell on. It talks about a life of a faithful versus faithless person.
Thanks for reading First Corinthians Thirteen Part One.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV 1984)By this passage, we know what love in our relationships supposed to look like. But if we take it outside of the romantic relationship, can we ever see this kind of love anywhere else? I would often hear this passage within context of romantic relationship so I would get frustrated that I wanted to express love but had no significant one to share with. It would be weird to love my friend like a wife to her husband. That is, until I began to see Paul's demonstration of love.
Let's expand on this passage by reading from first verse to last in chapter 13.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.A common commentary on this passage is that Paul didn't know how to describe love because love is too great to fully grasp. We know that Paul was a very committed missionary and a strong evangelist for Jesus. By evidences and testimonies of Paul in Acts and Epistles, we know that Paul was filled with the Holy Spirit as he was called to the Great Commission. By Holy Spirit working in him, he knew what he was talking about. He knew what love is truly about. He knew exactly how to describe it.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
You see, you can't know what this passage truly means until you read the whole Bible. And if you read the whole Bible, you can see how Jesus and Paul demonstrated their love just as well as you can see how God's faithful people demonstrated their love in the Old Testaments. Most importantly, you can see how God demonstrated His love in both the Old Testaments and the New Testaments. What I am trying to say is that you can't just pick one passage out of the Bible and let that passage speaks the whole Truth. Not even a verse. We have to look at God's real intention when we read a passage like this one, otherwise it won't make sense with other passages.
To get back on track, let's look at first 3 verses. But before we do, let's keep in mind that Paul was not married and he was on the Great Commission. He was filled with the Holy Spirit when he wrote it. This is my understanding.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels
I know the Scriptures and I can speak to you about God, Jesus, and the Gospel whether you are a man or an angel.
but have not love
I can talk about love but I do not walk the walk as in loving you like these examples: Matthew 25:35-45, Luke 10:25-37
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
Then what I say to you about God or the Gospel is meaningless and all you hear is noise, not words.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
Sure, I have a gift of knowing who God is and I totally understand all the mysteries and the Bible
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
Even if I have faith so strong that I believe God can move mountains for me right there and then
but have not love, I am nothing.
But I do not love you, then what's my faith to you? Nothing. It's not worth for you to bother to look at.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
I can do charities, I can give all my possessions and even die for my faith
but have not love, I gain nothing.
But I do not love you. My sacrifice does not mean anything to you. All you see is that I'm a fool.
This is Paul's introduction to the subject of love. He began to share his experience on what it is like to have faith but not with love in his heart [Acts 8:1-3, Acts 9:1-4, Acts 22: 1-5]. He was a zealous Jew trained as a Pharisee who knew the Laws of the Prophets (God's Law) but he did not follow the spirit of the Law (the intention of God's Law) which loving is a part of it. He went far to defend his Jewish faith by going to house to house to weed out Christians and even more further by traveling 150 miles to Damascus just to do the same. He was strong in his faith but he did not love anyone. By look of his past identity, you'd say that he was a crazy, dangerous murderer and he self-justified his actions in his faith. You wouldn't want anything to do with him because he is out there killing people and you wouldn't want anything to do with his God, either, because his God is endorsing his madness.
The next 5 verses describe "what happens if you do all first three verses but have love?" Let's explore this question later. In the meantime, please read Psalm 1. I think Psalm 1 is a great passage to dwell on. It talks about a life of a faithful versus faithless person.
Thanks for reading First Corinthians Thirteen Part One.
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