Times Of Doubt In Fellowship

There are times when I have doubt in my own choices. The choices I make regarding my faith in God of Israel are serious moments in my life.

In those times, I would wish God spoke clear words into my ears like a bird would sweetly sing from the wind. None from the mouths of the people around me because they could twist the words from their secret desires. I'd want to hear, "You're making the right choice here at this moment and at this place." That clear voice of the guide would put me at ease.

Also, I'd want the same clear voice would boom like a thunder and say, "You're making the wrong choice here. Go that way instead."

Sometimes, I can't trust my instincts or my heart to consider if I'm making the right choice here. I have secret desires sprouting like a boiling water while the God burns away to make room for pure love in my heart. Every choice I make from my wavering heart, ambiguous instinct or logical mind, am I believing that this is part of God's grand plan? School, jobs, friends, location, materials, church, etc.

Over the past summer and just like the summer before that, it was hard. It made me doubt if I made the right choice about the fellowship. The summer before, some people told me that I made the wrong choice. Over the past summer, different people told me things that made me questioned my choice. Am I making the right choice here?

It was difficult to trust their words because their concerns for me had nothing to do with my faith. They never once asked me how my faith was. After I made the choice, they never bothered to check with me when they spend time with me. Should this be the influence in my confidence in making that kind of choice?

My roommate advised me, "Look at your life, Annie. Look where God has led you."

Before two summers ago, I never had a fellowship as deep as my desire for the Scriptures to be true. Maybe I made the right choice. Maybe God spoke clearly to me through my roommate. I trust her because she showed concerns for me and my faith many times.

In times of doubting, I must hold fast like an anchor in the storm and believe that God is leading me where I am supposed to be.